Drama Trauma

So, I held a meeting to discuss Drama Club details today.

And no one came.

Well, okay fine, someone did. Only one, and I know she would because she's one of the rare few who are actually responsible and would do as they promised. First of all, this is not surprising and I totally expected this. HAHA. No, I'm really not joking. The campus seemed to have died or something. I mean, sure, they still walk around, go to class and everything but no one's doing any activities anymore at night, no one's busy planning any huge events like they used to in my first semester. There're even no more people dancing in Science block when the sun comes down. I don't know if I mentioned it here before but I used to complain about how people in Nilai are so freaking obsessed with dancing (apparently only after the dance event that happened just one semester before I entered. It was hailed to be one of THE best event to ever happen in Nilai.).

So, yeah, I'm not to bumped out because if people are not passionate about it, then fine. I'm not gonna force you people. I mean, it's not like I didn't tell them that there was going to be a meeting. Last Saturday afternoon, I posted the announcement on the Facebook group and this morning, I texted everyone whose number I have to remind them. Still, no one showed up. So, you know what? Doesn't matter. I'll just do this another way then.

Unfortunately, this also means that I'll have to independently shoot a short film on my own without any platform. Which could even be faster, actually because to start this club, there are a lot of procedures to go through and honestly? It still doesn't guarantee that I'll have the opportunity to do what I want to do because the authority might not be with me.

Look, I'm writing this right now not to whine or rant, believe it or not. I admit, I am a little frustrated and somewhat lost. I feel like I've failed at what I set out to do. And yes, I'm terrified of how people would think of me when they found out I've abandoned the club but I'm really trying to use this as a training for me to learn the whole "don't care what people think of you" thing. But still, I'm scared of letting down the people who have been with me from day one. Two main people in particular.

What's the next step then? Well, yeah, I have some ideas on how to move on from here. We'll see which road we'll have to take next. Yup.

Jesus, where's the confident boost when I need it?

I hope your day was better than mine.

Gloomy & Glory

So, yeah, the new semester had started already and neither Rey or Michelle are here. This is not fun. At all. All the people that I actually enjoy hanging out with have either left the college or are not always around anymore. Michelle had basically finished everything and only have one subject left this semester. Rey is also done with Nilai and is waiting to transfer to Canada. I don't see them around all the time also last semester but at least they were around and can easily found when I needed them. But now I'm truly all alone again.

I guess I can start making new friends again but the new found confidence that I had when I entered college had seemed to abandoned me for the time being and I don't know how to get it back again. It kinda sucks because I feel like I'm back to the old Cheyenne. The one who was always worried about what other people thought of me. Not that I didn't feel that way when I was a Freshie but I was new and had no expectations whatsoever since I don't know anyone there, I could be more relaxed. Now I know people and I know I don't want to lose them but that only makes me more concious of how I am because I don't want to be perceived as a loser or whatever. But from experience, I know that that thing, had always back fired on me. Not once but many, many, many times.

So, I really need to get a grip and just continue to be the person that people liked in the first place; myself. Hahaha. That really sound kinda cheesy. But the guy had been really cheesy too and it bugs me. I guess it rubs off. I don't know. As for the people that don't matter, I should REALLY learn to not give a shit about what they think of me. This thing has been slowing me down long enough and should really stop. As usual, like many things, it's easier said than done.

So, anyway, with the two of them gone, I'm pretty sure I'll have plenty of time to let my head wonder. Plenty of "me" time which I really don't mind having. Last semester alone, I've had plenty of it but that was because I wanted it. It was more like my mind needed it. So, I did a lot of walking around with headphones on so that no one bothered me and stuff. I was so wrapped in my own thoughts that I didn't have time to feel lonely.

This semester though. I really don't know.

On a brighter note, I did really well last semester.Yup, got my results about a couple of weeks ago. I got an A for my Biology! HAHAAHHA. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? I know it's just elementary, introductory Biology but I really really really did not expect that. At all. I still don't know how that happen but I'm sure as hell I'm not going to ask. Hahaha.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see what I have in store for me this semester. If I make any new friends. If they end up to matter to me, I might not even mention them. But we'll see.

Til then, you guys have a nice time now and free hugs for dropping by. :)

Worries

Things have been somewhat woozy these days. I don't really know how to describe it and trust me, you don't know how many blog post I've deleted because I just couldn't get the words right. I've decided to just let the words flow and you know, see how things goes. For someone who owns a blog and tell the almost every moment of her life in the safest place called the Internet, I really prioritize my privacy. How ironic, isn't it? I suppose that's why I barely mention any of the people that I really hang out with. Simply because I just don't know how to bring them up, really. One of them, is, uh, just a love interest and for those of you who really know me (or know him as well), I really don't like to document that nor do I like to "advertise" it. All you folks need to know is that he's a fantastic guy and that boys (and people) here don't think I'm "arrogant" or "intimidating". Many of the people that I know here are actually quite nice. In fact, I had people asking me if I was a dancer or if I "work out" (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I know, it's hilarious). It's a very nice change from the always dramatic girls school.

Sure, I get a few hate here and there but I'm glad I have them. I was actually getting worried that there's something wrong with the people here because they actually like me (I still can barely believe that, trust me). These hate, I think, are healthy and basically normal for me because then I know I'm really being myself amd that there are people who can't accept me. So, I must be doing something right.

But then again, trust my logic. HAH.

I'm worried about other stuff, though, not about my love life because that's one of the right things right now.  I'm worried about, for example, that there is a chance that i'll be getting my very first non-A grade subject (or even subjects, gasp) this time around. But then again, this time around, I had to be quarantined because there was a clash in my exam schedule. American History and Biology in one day. NOT COOL, let me tell you that because you know how my Science subjects totally suck and had always been pulling down my grades so far.

By the time I was done with American History, I was already drained but no, I still had to stay for stinking Biology. Urgh. So, yeah, I barely have any hope for an A or even an A- for that one. The other subject that I'm quite worried about if Golf because now that I think about it, I'm kinda an idiot for taking another subjective subjects. In the first semester, I took Theater and Acting and of course that one, I had more pressure to do well because you know how society is, they would expect you to be a natural genius at something that you claim to do or want to do (like if I wanna be a nurse, people would expect me to be able to stitch up a wound with my eyes closed even without practice, because you know, that's what I want to do for a living. Haih, society). At least for that subject, I can aim and work on my strengths.

Golf, on the other hand, is a sport. Say whatever you want about it not being a sport. It's still not my forte. And so so subjective. I honestly don't know how I did for that one. So, yeah, it's worth being worried about. My straight A's streak is about to be broken then. Boo you, Science and Sports. Eeww.

My other worries will be, of course, related to my portfolio thing again. I keep trying to do way too many things at the same time that I don't know how to actually start. I know I keep whining about this and that I kept changing my mind on how to go around the showcasing video part: Tangled Lies short film or a mini webseries?? There're both pros and cons for both. To make a short film out of Tangled Lies is just a lot of work and when it's done, it's done. But a webseries, it's constant work, on top of other things in my life. It's going to be very tiring, Unless of course, like Wise suggested, use Drama Club and the college as my platform and audience/market respectively, which would totally work. I have to really keep reminding myself that this is not a one man show no matter how I want it to be exactly how I want it to be (one of the many things that I've discovered about myself in the past year is that I'm a bloody perfectionist. If I can complete something on my own, I would because I simply don't trust anyone else enough to do things how I want it to be done. But then, we all know what it would do to one who tries to do everything oneself.)

I suppose I should update on you guys about this another time when I actually have a permanent plan set into motion.

I hope the rest of you are doing well because I am. I think.

Acting Plans

Lights! Cameras! Action! ... yeaaahh.... About that.

I'm really proud of myself to have been able to make that decision. Stand my ground. Firm and strong. But lately, I'm starting to really question how strong I really am to get through with this. I know, okay? I'm extremely lucky to have a pair of parents who probably don't like the idea of me choosing this crazy and obviously risky field but supports and encourage me anyway. What some of you

most probably don't know also is that I have quite a number of extremely supportive friends behind my back. These people have no idea how grateful I am. I mean, really. 

I've been scouting through quite a few colleges both in the States and Canada and as of now, I've not found any one that I can attend. It's either the Film faculty of that university is not good enough for my expectations or the college is just waaaayyy too expensive. I was at Linden American Education Fair the other day and found this awesome art school that I fell in love with. It's called Colombia College Chicago. If you Google Columbia College, there'll be a ton of different results. That's because there are a lot of colleges under the same name but apparently the one in Los Angeles and this Chicago one are under the same family/management. I absolutely love this college and even the alumnus list is impressive (President of HBO Films, Production Designer for shows like Alias, Chuck, Melrose Place, Cinematographers for films like Avatar, Dirty Dancing, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Isabella Hoffman who was in Dear John and Burlesque,  the writer of I Am Legend and Poseidon AND the FREAKING CREATOR AND ANIMATOR OF POWERPUFF GIRLS AND DEXTER. The list goes on) but the tuition is also b-e-a-u-tiful. So, now, we're (parents and I) are back to looking at the state universities in California. State universities are, of course, cheaper because it's subsidized by the government unlike private schools and Colombia Chicago is a private college.

Those of you who kept up or actually read my tweets about rich girls. Well, yeah, it was based on my experience at Linden. It was held in Hilton KL and there were a lot of rich kids there. My mum and I was probably one of the poorest. You know how these city AND rich kids are like. I know I said I'll bring the last conclusion here but I kinda don't feel like talking about it anymore and it's also because I forgot what conclusion 3 is. Heh. Bottom line is, they can be so arrogant and they think that the rest of the world exists to serve them. These younger generation, especially. Because they were all born with silver, gold, diamond spoons in their mouths, never having to know the feeling of being broke. Anyway, I got over that because it's so boring now. Lol.

Another problem about doing an art major is that many universities want you to submit what they call "samples of creative works" or rather, just portfolios. You know, like how models bring around a file of their previous gigs and shoots to show future clients what they are made of and what they can offer. This is the same concept. Some college, one of the admission requirement is a portfolio and so far, most of them want you to just submit creative works in any branch of art. From films to videos to animations to painting to sketching to sculpting and photography. NOW the problem is I REALLY HAVE TO GET A MOVE ON WITH THIS. I still don't have any "samples" ready and I only have about a year to go.

I have some stuff planned but sometimes I feel like I just don't cut out for this world. I know I have it in me, okay? It's just so hard to get it out at times. Like, for instance, I've been trying to put together a nice new proper script to start on. My friend (whom I consider my rock for my film making dreams), Wise told me that I can just make a series of "webisodes" and post them on YouTube. Great idea, I know. But to have a mini series episodes, you'll need to have one big story to start off with, no? Or at least a concept you can work with. But that's the thing! I couldn't find any! I kept coming up with these silly little stories or stories that are just way too complicated. 

Apparently, many of my stories have elements of sadism in it. It's sort of my thing. I kind of don't like happy endings because that's not always how it is in real life and plays and movies are reflections of how we live, experience, feel and act.  

Then, there was the idea of adapting Tangled Lies into a film.

Now, for those of you who don't know what Tangled Lies is; it's a play I wrote, directed and stared in for my Theater And Acting class last year about a guy whose dark past never stopped haunting him and continue to haunt him and that turned him violent in the end. I think the play managed to blow the audience away because of the acting on the night also. I'm pretty proud of Tangled Lies (despite some of the cheesy lines, yes). but if I were to film it, I'd like to cast another girl as my character, Jane because then it'll be easier for me to focus fully on the directing aspect of the production. Since I directed the play also, I realized how much easier it would be if I didn't starred in it because with me in the scenes, I can't really see the flaws of the acting or movements that needs to be worked on. But then, I can't not act because this was how we were evaluated for the class. 

I can also do the photography thing because a close friend of mine, Prashan is into photography and owns a DSLR (I still don't know what that stands for) camera. He used to go to Nilai and when he was there, he was a regular photographer for many of the events in college and he was THE videographer. So, he really know his stuff. Now that he's transferred to INTI (which is only about 10 minutes drive away from Nilai U) and super busy with his other school stuff, he passed his camera to me to use because apparently, in his own words, "You need it more than me now, with your events and stuff. You can take pictures" Yes, I suppose I am that busy in college (thus, the lack of activation here. Sorry). So, the sweetheart is teaching me how to use it and I can work with it from there, right? 

Meanwhile in college, my number one mission now is to set up the Drama Club. Yes, that's right, we don't have a drama club yet. So, I'm going to have to set it up but then, it's the paper work and possible politics that is making me a little reluctant to do it but I'll have to and I must. Besides, Drama Club! It's going to be so much fun, right? :)

The thing now is that in order to set up a new club, we'll need to get a minimum of 10 people to show the interests people may have in the club. They advised me to get 15 because then it'll be easier and naive as I may be, I do believe so too. But for now, I only have about 12 people including myself. So, only a few more to go. 

I guess that's all I have for now. I really need to stop freaking out, start pushing it and get a really really thick face to get things done. Fingers and toes crossed for that.

I hope you guys are doing well because whoever you are reading this, you should know that you deserve a cookie. Ask me for one the next time you see me. Heh.

P/S: What do you all think about my changing the URL to primadonnasheenanigans? Some of you would know the significance of Prima Donna in that. Hit me up on Twitter or Facebook or comment below and let me know? :D

xo.

Here and There

For those of you who follow me on Twitter and actually read my tweets, you'll most probably know that I was also involved in the organizing team of the college prom. I was in the publicity team under my lady boss, Michelle along with 3 other pretty cool people as teammates (Steve, Illaina and Hajar). Our theme was "Black Swan" and it was supposed to be not just prom, but also the graduation dinner for the graduates (as it was supposed to be held on the night of graduation day) AND it was also a masquerade ball. Ah, masquerade balls. How classy and mysterious, right? I was also very very much involved in the decorating process throughout the whole thing. Masquerade balls, for me, is just one of those things that you know you just have to do, you know? For some people, they refuse to attend prom by using the excuse "I don't have a date" and to combat that, we initially planned a singles' auction but then switched to speed dating! Even us organizing members wanted to join in the fun of Speed Dating (yup, even those who already have dates. HAHA) And yes, I was super excited about it all and to be directly involved in getting the event together too! That meant my thoughts, comments and ideas would be heard and considered! We did a fabulous job, our whole team but sadly, because of some drama with the annoying school management and all, THEY cancelled the whole thing on us. So, yeah, I suppose my first major college event didn't go as well as I would like it to but hey, can't expect everything to be perfect, can I? Besides, I got to meet and became friends with so many cool people along the way despite the drama and I think I totally put my not-so-good Photoshop skills to a whole new level because I got to design a couple of posters. That's something to be proud of. :)

I did these two posters though the Speed Dating one never got printed out. Still proud. :)

Michelle, Emmy, Shaun and Embrys stayed up til about 3am at the SRC office to finish this up only to receive the news that prom was cancelled the very next day. We had a booth at the school walkway and this was supposed to be our decoration for it. The real thing looked about 123489271049374 times better.

Pullman Hotels and Resorts in Putrajaya. It's by the lake and absolutely beautiful at night, drove pass it couple of times. It was supposed to be our venue. 

So, yeah. Kindda sad if you think about it because we had a lot of great ideas that we may never see come to life. But that's okay, I guess it's the school's loss. Sucks for them. BAHAHA.

ANYWAY, after prom got cancelled, we all went back to our normal lives. About a couple of weeks later was already finals weeks. On the weekend before my finals, my parents thought it would be a good idea to go for a short family vaca at Melacca since dad was going over for work at the end of that week and it was going to be a long weekend. I brought my book along but yeah, like that helped anything. I think I only brought it to calm my conscience. Hehe. We've been to Melacca before but that was quite a number of years ago when I was about, what, 12? Of course we went to Jonker Walk. Jonker Walk is one of Melacca town's big highlights and they sell souvenirs. I didn't spend all that much but got super excited when I found a bunch of dream catchers!!

I know they're not the original dream catchers though. But hey, they look pretty! Hehe. I bought two, one bigger one and the another smaller one. Gave the bigger one to a friend and kept the smaller one to myself.

I only had 3 days of finals since I only have 4 papers to sit for and they were all in 3 consecutive days. Starting with English Composition on the first day, American History and Acting on the second and Chemistry on the last day.

And I've also gotten my results back. Hehe. Super proud of myself. I mean, c'mon an A- for Chemistry? That's really something. For someone who had gotten a C for the very same subject for SPM. :)

With a CGPA of 3.91, the pressure is on for the next sem. :|

Be Seen and Be Heard

"Be seen and be heard", an actor's golden rule, according Mr. Mano. Yup, that's right. THE Mano Maniam. If you don't know him, he's a Malaysian actor and he's been in the business for a long long time. He was in that movie, Anna and the King (starring Chow Yun Fatt, Jodie Foster and a very young and super adorable Tom Felton) and in the highly successful local sitcom in the 90s, Kopitiam. He was pretty much everywhere: on stage, in movies, on TV, behind the camera, teaching in classes. I was lucky enough to have him as my instructor when I signed up for a new course that Nilai was offering (this course was being conducted for the very first time just as I arrived at the school. Talk about timing! And how lucky I am).

The course was for only about 7 weeks with 4 hours sessions, once a week. And then consisting about 50% of our final marks, we had to do a final presentation (yes, performance) for the school (or anyone who wants to come, of course). And let me tell ya, 

Catch Up to Make Up

Okay. Operation Catchup shall now begin! :)

There're a bunch of, uh, new people that I need to introduce you guys to. College years is where one "year" is an equivalent to one semester and one semester is about 3 months and I absolutely despise it because things can change so fast in just a matter of days and things happen so fast. So, there, you should be able to tell that in just a couple of months, A LOT of things had already happened.

You know, I'm officially done with my first semester in college? It zoomed past me, I think I barely had time to blink. Anywhoo, I think I wanna update you guys on what has been going on. And I think the best way to do this is

It's Sh-Shownight!

Wow. Is it MORE THAN A MONTH I've abandoned this baby already?? :/
Seriously, guys, time flies. Even when you're not exactly having fun... Heh. Just sayin'.
So, anyway, just let me quickly wrap this up because, boy do I have a lot to tell ya'll. :)

I was honestly worried that morning when I woke up. There were still so many things our group's performance lacked and what if I go up on stage tonight and my throat closes completely, thus stopping me from being able to say anything at all? You know, the usual feeling you get before you go up on stage to make a fool of yourself in front of a huge bunch of people. HAHA.

Though, this is going to be a long day, because I still have acting class that afternoon and actually, I have to perform during acting class too, debuting our story for everyone in class. So, I had to perform twice that day! But hey, that kept my mind off the event that night and made me focus on something else, so that's good.

Building Up to Showtime

In order to write this post, I actually needed some time to sit down and really think about the whole thing. How am I going to tell ya'll about something that has happened so many weeks ago? I initially wanted to put everything related to Orientation Night in just one post, but when I was moving on to talk about the night itself, I realized how long this very post was already. So, I decided to cut it short and have an entirely different post for the night itself! Besides, it'll make your reading easier too! Heh. I guess I'm going to have to start from the very beginning again since I don't think I've told any of you the ENTIRE thing. All the drama, the story line, the hilarious moments during rehearsals, the last minute changes, the awesome counselors and of course, the people who make up the group. We might have

The Many Firsts

Okay, seriously, I don't think I'm very capable of short posts at all. That's what happen when you are so far behind on your posts. Heh. So,  really, guys and girls, brace yourself for another long one. This post is sort of a mash up of everything major that happened over my first couple of weeks in class and school. Of course, some details I would have to skip and kept for my closest confidants only. This might be a public diary but you can't expect me to tell you everything, can you? (*wink wink*). There's quite a few stuff to cover, that's why this is going to be another long post. But don't worry! After this, there'll only be just one more super duper long post coming up, which will be the Orientation Night post (I'm really excited to tell you guys about that one!) If you're still even reading at all by the end of this post, then,

Not Really The End

Okay, I don't think I'm going to do all the "hey, hello" thing for this post and just go straight to the point because I'm profusely trying to finish all my updates for you guys in time for Orientation Night on Tuesday. So, here's days 4 and 5. Just a little F.Y.I, I might skip some of the not-so-important parts, therefore, this post isn't going to be as detailed as the last few.

Exhausting Day 3

Hey you! Have you read day 2 yet? If not, then read the previous post first! :) Again, I know i promised to publish this post a few hours after the previous one but instead I took more than what can be considered to be a few hours. I feel awful but really, now I had a few more things to do last weekend and a lot of things to do last week that all precious time it flew by in a snap.So, this is

Day 2 of "Making Friends"

Hullo there, this is your really late update of day 2. I initially wanted to have days 2 and 3 combined in one single post but then I realised how long day 2 was going to be, so I guess I had to scratch that plan out. I hope you

The Beginning

Whew! First day finally over! It was a really long day today and I have so much to tell you guys but I only have so little time. Now it's already past 11pm and I really really want to sleep earlier tonight. I suppose I should at least try to fit everything in this post because if I wait to publish this, I won't remember a single thing. Anyway, I didn't bring my iPod or my camcorder with me today, since I know I'll have to leave my bag unattended at least once today and I couldn't risk having them being stolen, can I? Okay. Let's stop wasting time and I'll start from the beginning.

Dreading for What's Coming

I know my last post was bit lengthy, so, i'll keep this one much, much shorter...

We went to school today for registration and it was pretty uneventful, really. I have yet to get my class schedule (will be getting it on Monday, as well as my student ID). I had to fill in a couple of forms to confirm my subjects and to my disappointment, the school had already circled my subjects for me so that meant I don't get to choose.. :( We had a big HAHA over one of them though.

My subjects for this semester are:
1. English Composition
2. Introduction to Music (which I have no problem with, for now)
3. General Psychology (this one sounds interesting)
last but not least, HAHAHA
Okay, waaaaiiiittt forr iiiiittttt......

4. CHEMISTRY and Society. HAHAHAHA. OMG I STILL FIND THIS HILARIOUS.

I got a C for my Chemistry in SPM and I really, truly, sucked at it too. Gah. And I thought I could escape it when I go to college, what's with the "anything but science" thing that has been going on since before I even graduate from secondary school. This is going to be a nightmare. Damn you Americans for wanting all rounders.

When I went over to apply last month, I met this girl, Dina. She was the one who served us (or at least, one of the few who did) and we sort of chatted about the usual things, you know, like "where do you live?" and "where are you from?". Well, she was the one asking the questions, to make conversation and small talk. When I told her that we were from Kuching, she said that she used to live there too, for a while when her father was transferred there for work. Then she asked about school, turns out, she's an ex-Marian too! So, then we talked about that for a bit...

Anyway, my point is, we saw her again today and she introduced me to another fellow Kuchingnite, an ex-Josephian (I'm sorry, but "Josephian" had always sounded like a girls name to me, which only makes me want to laugh every time I hear or use that word HAHA). I think he was really shy though. So, we didn't stop to talk anymore. Actually, come to think of it, I don't even know his name. Heh. Oops.

After that, um, we went to pay and stuff and then went to take a picture for my student ID. The dude only took one shot of me and I asked if I can see the picture. I looked hideous. Like, really ugly. HAHA. So, I asked him to take another one and he did (I think I heard him snap two pictures but hey, there's GOT to be at least one good shot in that, right?) But I still honestly think I'll look ugly though. Heh.

With that done, the last pit stop was to collect all the other stuff, like:

The student handbook, a booklet on the students email policy, the school magazine, a list of important contact numbers and the bus schedule and the orientation programs.

According to the program, we'll start at 9am and finish at 10pm throughout the whole orientation week and to be honest with you, I am not looking forward to this all.  There'll be so many outdoor activities like a telematch on Tuesday, workout early Tuesday morning as well, a race on Wednesday afternoon and something call Water Match on Thursday. You all know how much I hate these things. urgh. Not because I'm scared of getting down and dirty. No, I'm fine with that. It's the chance of falling down and hurting myself that I dread. Eugh. I hope it'll all be fine though.

Mum wanted to check out the Himpunan Jutaan Belia (Millions of Youth Gathering) thing that is going on in Putrajaya but dad didn't want to go. So maybe tomorrow we will. I mean, c'mon, one of the biggest event of the year is being held in our neighbourhood, we could at least just check it out. But it seems like we'll have a full day tomorrow too and we'll be going down (or is it up?) to KL city center tomorrow. Since that will be about an hour drive from home, I'll have to get up at 9.30am. On my last day as a free-from-school woman. Oh, well, fingers cross that I can make it up by going shopping tomorrow. Heh.

Whatever it is, my camera/iPod will be with me. There'll be pictures to take and post. No promises though. :)

P/S; I just realised how much I don't like the font for my posts, so I'm changing it after I publish this!