Gloomy & Glory

So, yeah, the new semester had started already and neither Rey or Michelle are here. This is not fun. At all. All the people that I actually enjoy hanging out with have either left the college or are not always around anymore. Michelle had basically finished everything and only have one subject left this semester. Rey is also done with Nilai and is waiting to transfer to Canada. I don't see them around all the time also last semester but at least they were around and can easily found when I needed them. But now I'm truly all alone again.

I guess I can start making new friends again but the new found confidence that I had when I entered college had seemed to abandoned me for the time being and I don't know how to get it back again. It kinda sucks because I feel like I'm back to the old Cheyenne. The one who was always worried about what other people thought of me. Not that I didn't feel that way when I was a Freshie but I was new and had no expectations whatsoever since I don't know anyone there, I could be more relaxed. Now I know people and I know I don't want to lose them but that only makes me more concious of how I am because I don't want to be perceived as a loser or whatever. But from experience, I know that that thing, had always back fired on me. Not once but many, many, many times.

So, I really need to get a grip and just continue to be the person that people liked in the first place; myself. Hahaha. That really sound kinda cheesy. But the guy had been really cheesy too and it bugs me. I guess it rubs off. I don't know. As for the people that don't matter, I should REALLY learn to not give a shit about what they think of me. This thing has been slowing me down long enough and should really stop. As usual, like many things, it's easier said than done.

So, anyway, with the two of them gone, I'm pretty sure I'll have plenty of time to let my head wonder. Plenty of "me" time which I really don't mind having. Last semester alone, I've had plenty of it but that was because I wanted it. It was more like my mind needed it. So, I did a lot of walking around with headphones on so that no one bothered me and stuff. I was so wrapped in my own thoughts that I didn't have time to feel lonely.

This semester though. I really don't know.

On a brighter note, I did really well last semester.Yup, got my results about a couple of weeks ago. I got an A for my Biology! HAHAAHHA. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? I know it's just elementary, introductory Biology but I really really really did not expect that. At all. I still don't know how that happen but I'm sure as hell I'm not going to ask. Hahaha.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see what I have in store for me this semester. If I make any new friends. If they end up to matter to me, I might not even mention them. But we'll see.

Til then, you guys have a nice time now and free hugs for dropping by. :)

Acting Plans

Lights! Cameras! Action! ... yeaaahh.... About that.

I'm really proud of myself to have been able to make that decision. Stand my ground. Firm and strong. But lately, I'm starting to really question how strong I really am to get through with this. I know, okay? I'm extremely lucky to have a pair of parents who probably don't like the idea of me choosing this crazy and obviously risky field but supports and encourage me anyway. What some of you

most probably don't know also is that I have quite a number of extremely supportive friends behind my back. These people have no idea how grateful I am. I mean, really. 

I've been scouting through quite a few colleges both in the States and Canada and as of now, I've not found any one that I can attend. It's either the Film faculty of that university is not good enough for my expectations or the college is just waaaayyy too expensive. I was at Linden American Education Fair the other day and found this awesome art school that I fell in love with. It's called Colombia College Chicago. If you Google Columbia College, there'll be a ton of different results. That's because there are a lot of colleges under the same name but apparently the one in Los Angeles and this Chicago one are under the same family/management. I absolutely love this college and even the alumnus list is impressive (President of HBO Films, Production Designer for shows like Alias, Chuck, Melrose Place, Cinematographers for films like Avatar, Dirty Dancing, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Isabella Hoffman who was in Dear John and Burlesque,  the writer of I Am Legend and Poseidon AND the FREAKING CREATOR AND ANIMATOR OF POWERPUFF GIRLS AND DEXTER. The list goes on) but the tuition is also b-e-a-u-tiful. So, now, we're (parents and I) are back to looking at the state universities in California. State universities are, of course, cheaper because it's subsidized by the government unlike private schools and Colombia Chicago is a private college.

Those of you who kept up or actually read my tweets about rich girls. Well, yeah, it was based on my experience at Linden. It was held in Hilton KL and there were a lot of rich kids there. My mum and I was probably one of the poorest. You know how these city AND rich kids are like. I know I said I'll bring the last conclusion here but I kinda don't feel like talking about it anymore and it's also because I forgot what conclusion 3 is. Heh. Bottom line is, they can be so arrogant and they think that the rest of the world exists to serve them. These younger generation, especially. Because they were all born with silver, gold, diamond spoons in their mouths, never having to know the feeling of being broke. Anyway, I got over that because it's so boring now. Lol.

Another problem about doing an art major is that many universities want you to submit what they call "samples of creative works" or rather, just portfolios. You know, like how models bring around a file of their previous gigs and shoots to show future clients what they are made of and what they can offer. This is the same concept. Some college, one of the admission requirement is a portfolio and so far, most of them want you to just submit creative works in any branch of art. From films to videos to animations to painting to sketching to sculpting and photography. NOW the problem is I REALLY HAVE TO GET A MOVE ON WITH THIS. I still don't have any "samples" ready and I only have about a year to go.

I have some stuff planned but sometimes I feel like I just don't cut out for this world. I know I have it in me, okay? It's just so hard to get it out at times. Like, for instance, I've been trying to put together a nice new proper script to start on. My friend (whom I consider my rock for my film making dreams), Wise told me that I can just make a series of "webisodes" and post them on YouTube. Great idea, I know. But to have a mini series episodes, you'll need to have one big story to start off with, no? Or at least a concept you can work with. But that's the thing! I couldn't find any! I kept coming up with these silly little stories or stories that are just way too complicated. 

Apparently, many of my stories have elements of sadism in it. It's sort of my thing. I kind of don't like happy endings because that's not always how it is in real life and plays and movies are reflections of how we live, experience, feel and act.  

Then, there was the idea of adapting Tangled Lies into a film.

Now, for those of you who don't know what Tangled Lies is; it's a play I wrote, directed and stared in for my Theater And Acting class last year about a guy whose dark past never stopped haunting him and continue to haunt him and that turned him violent in the end. I think the play managed to blow the audience away because of the acting on the night also. I'm pretty proud of Tangled Lies (despite some of the cheesy lines, yes). but if I were to film it, I'd like to cast another girl as my character, Jane because then it'll be easier for me to focus fully on the directing aspect of the production. Since I directed the play also, I realized how much easier it would be if I didn't starred in it because with me in the scenes, I can't really see the flaws of the acting or movements that needs to be worked on. But then, I can't not act because this was how we were evaluated for the class. 

I can also do the photography thing because a close friend of mine, Prashan is into photography and owns a DSLR (I still don't know what that stands for) camera. He used to go to Nilai and when he was there, he was a regular photographer for many of the events in college and he was THE videographer. So, he really know his stuff. Now that he's transferred to INTI (which is only about 10 minutes drive away from Nilai U) and super busy with his other school stuff, he passed his camera to me to use because apparently, in his own words, "You need it more than me now, with your events and stuff. You can take pictures" Yes, I suppose I am that busy in college (thus, the lack of activation here. Sorry). So, the sweetheart is teaching me how to use it and I can work with it from there, right? 

Meanwhile in college, my number one mission now is to set up the Drama Club. Yes, that's right, we don't have a drama club yet. So, I'm going to have to set it up but then, it's the paper work and possible politics that is making me a little reluctant to do it but I'll have to and I must. Besides, Drama Club! It's going to be so much fun, right? :)

The thing now is that in order to set up a new club, we'll need to get a minimum of 10 people to show the interests people may have in the club. They advised me to get 15 because then it'll be easier and naive as I may be, I do believe so too. But for now, I only have about 12 people including myself. So, only a few more to go. 

I guess that's all I have for now. I really need to stop freaking out, start pushing it and get a really really thick face to get things done. Fingers and toes crossed for that.

I hope you guys are doing well because whoever you are reading this, you should know that you deserve a cookie. Ask me for one the next time you see me. Heh.

P/S: What do you all think about my changing the URL to primadonnasheenanigans? Some of you would know the significance of Prima Donna in that. Hit me up on Twitter or Facebook or comment below and let me know? :D

xo.

Schwork Frustrations

Hehe. Yup. Just as I've expected when I started this thing last April/May. M.I.A for quite some time now, haven't I? Well, I did say I'll try my hardest to keep this blog alive. Here's another thing though, folks. If you've been super duper awesome and actually read my first post, I did mention that I used to run a personal blog such as this one back when I was in high school and one of the reason I shut it down was because there was nothing interesting in my life to blog about. Well, guess what? Now, I have SO MANY things happening that I can barely keep up! There was a week in early November where I was so busy that I barely had any sleep! That's about where I stopped blogging here too because when I tell ya I have no time, I ain't joking. Boy, was that week insane.

So, anyways, HAPPY NEW YEAR!  Yup, that's another year gone and two out of six semesters done for me in Nilai. So far, I'm having a pretty good time. I suppose I should fill you all in on what I was "so busy" about, eh? But it's just going to be another long post and I don't want you guys to feel so dreaded reading all these and at the same time, I have no idea how to shorten everything. But anyways, I've decided that they're