Worries

Things have been somewhat woozy these days. I don't really know how to describe it and trust me, you don't know how many blog post I've deleted because I just couldn't get the words right. I've decided to just let the words flow and you know, see how things goes. For someone who owns a blog and tell the almost every moment of her life in the safest place called the Internet, I really prioritize my privacy. How ironic, isn't it? I suppose that's why I barely mention any of the people that I really hang out with. Simply because I just don't know how to bring them up, really. One of them, is, uh, just a love interest and for those of you who really know me (or know him as well), I really don't like to document that nor do I like to "advertise" it. All you folks need to know is that he's a fantastic guy and that boys (and people) here don't think I'm "arrogant" or "intimidating". Many of the people that I know here are actually quite nice. In fact, I had people asking me if I was a dancer or if I "work out" (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I know, it's hilarious). It's a very nice change from the always dramatic girls school.

Sure, I get a few hate here and there but I'm glad I have them. I was actually getting worried that there's something wrong with the people here because they actually like me (I still can barely believe that, trust me). These hate, I think, are healthy and basically normal for me because then I know I'm really being myself amd that there are people who can't accept me. So, I must be doing something right.

But then again, trust my logic. HAH.

I'm worried about other stuff, though, not about my love life because that's one of the right things right now.  I'm worried about, for example, that there is a chance that i'll be getting my very first non-A grade subject (or even subjects, gasp) this time around. But then again, this time around, I had to be quarantined because there was a clash in my exam schedule. American History and Biology in one day. NOT COOL, let me tell you that because you know how my Science subjects totally suck and had always been pulling down my grades so far.

By the time I was done with American History, I was already drained but no, I still had to stay for stinking Biology. Urgh. So, yeah, I barely have any hope for an A or even an A- for that one. The other subject that I'm quite worried about if Golf because now that I think about it, I'm kinda an idiot for taking another subjective subjects. In the first semester, I took Theater and Acting and of course that one, I had more pressure to do well because you know how society is, they would expect you to be a natural genius at something that you claim to do or want to do (like if I wanna be a nurse, people would expect me to be able to stitch up a wound with my eyes closed even without practice, because you know, that's what I want to do for a living. Haih, society). At least for that subject, I can aim and work on my strengths.

Golf, on the other hand, is a sport. Say whatever you want about it not being a sport. It's still not my forte. And so so subjective. I honestly don't know how I did for that one. So, yeah, it's worth being worried about. My straight A's streak is about to be broken then. Boo you, Science and Sports. Eeww.

My other worries will be, of course, related to my portfolio thing again. I keep trying to do way too many things at the same time that I don't know how to actually start. I know I keep whining about this and that I kept changing my mind on how to go around the showcasing video part: Tangled Lies short film or a mini webseries?? There're both pros and cons for both. To make a short film out of Tangled Lies is just a lot of work and when it's done, it's done. But a webseries, it's constant work, on top of other things in my life. It's going to be very tiring, Unless of course, like Wise suggested, use Drama Club and the college as my platform and audience/market respectively, which would totally work. I have to really keep reminding myself that this is not a one man show no matter how I want it to be exactly how I want it to be (one of the many things that I've discovered about myself in the past year is that I'm a bloody perfectionist. If I can complete something on my own, I would because I simply don't trust anyone else enough to do things how I want it to be done. But then, we all know what it would do to one who tries to do everything oneself.)

I suppose I should update on you guys about this another time when I actually have a permanent plan set into motion.

I hope the rest of you are doing well because I am. I think.

Acting Plans

Lights! Cameras! Action! ... yeaaahh.... About that.

I'm really proud of myself to have been able to make that decision. Stand my ground. Firm and strong. But lately, I'm starting to really question how strong I really am to get through with this. I know, okay? I'm extremely lucky to have a pair of parents who probably don't like the idea of me choosing this crazy and obviously risky field but supports and encourage me anyway. What some of you

most probably don't know also is that I have quite a number of extremely supportive friends behind my back. These people have no idea how grateful I am. I mean, really. 

I've been scouting through quite a few colleges both in the States and Canada and as of now, I've not found any one that I can attend. It's either the Film faculty of that university is not good enough for my expectations or the college is just waaaayyy too expensive. I was at Linden American Education Fair the other day and found this awesome art school that I fell in love with. It's called Colombia College Chicago. If you Google Columbia College, there'll be a ton of different results. That's because there are a lot of colleges under the same name but apparently the one in Los Angeles and this Chicago one are under the same family/management. I absolutely love this college and even the alumnus list is impressive (President of HBO Films, Production Designer for shows like Alias, Chuck, Melrose Place, Cinematographers for films like Avatar, Dirty Dancing, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Isabella Hoffman who was in Dear John and Burlesque,  the writer of I Am Legend and Poseidon AND the FREAKING CREATOR AND ANIMATOR OF POWERPUFF GIRLS AND DEXTER. The list goes on) but the tuition is also b-e-a-u-tiful. So, now, we're (parents and I) are back to looking at the state universities in California. State universities are, of course, cheaper because it's subsidized by the government unlike private schools and Colombia Chicago is a private college.

Those of you who kept up or actually read my tweets about rich girls. Well, yeah, it was based on my experience at Linden. It was held in Hilton KL and there were a lot of rich kids there. My mum and I was probably one of the poorest. You know how these city AND rich kids are like. I know I said I'll bring the last conclusion here but I kinda don't feel like talking about it anymore and it's also because I forgot what conclusion 3 is. Heh. Bottom line is, they can be so arrogant and they think that the rest of the world exists to serve them. These younger generation, especially. Because they were all born with silver, gold, diamond spoons in their mouths, never having to know the feeling of being broke. Anyway, I got over that because it's so boring now. Lol.

Another problem about doing an art major is that many universities want you to submit what they call "samples of creative works" or rather, just portfolios. You know, like how models bring around a file of their previous gigs and shoots to show future clients what they are made of and what they can offer. This is the same concept. Some college, one of the admission requirement is a portfolio and so far, most of them want you to just submit creative works in any branch of art. From films to videos to animations to painting to sketching to sculpting and photography. NOW the problem is I REALLY HAVE TO GET A MOVE ON WITH THIS. I still don't have any "samples" ready and I only have about a year to go.

I have some stuff planned but sometimes I feel like I just don't cut out for this world. I know I have it in me, okay? It's just so hard to get it out at times. Like, for instance, I've been trying to put together a nice new proper script to start on. My friend (whom I consider my rock for my film making dreams), Wise told me that I can just make a series of "webisodes" and post them on YouTube. Great idea, I know. But to have a mini series episodes, you'll need to have one big story to start off with, no? Or at least a concept you can work with. But that's the thing! I couldn't find any! I kept coming up with these silly little stories or stories that are just way too complicated. 

Apparently, many of my stories have elements of sadism in it. It's sort of my thing. I kind of don't like happy endings because that's not always how it is in real life and plays and movies are reflections of how we live, experience, feel and act.  

Then, there was the idea of adapting Tangled Lies into a film.

Now, for those of you who don't know what Tangled Lies is; it's a play I wrote, directed and stared in for my Theater And Acting class last year about a guy whose dark past never stopped haunting him and continue to haunt him and that turned him violent in the end. I think the play managed to blow the audience away because of the acting on the night also. I'm pretty proud of Tangled Lies (despite some of the cheesy lines, yes). but if I were to film it, I'd like to cast another girl as my character, Jane because then it'll be easier for me to focus fully on the directing aspect of the production. Since I directed the play also, I realized how much easier it would be if I didn't starred in it because with me in the scenes, I can't really see the flaws of the acting or movements that needs to be worked on. But then, I can't not act because this was how we were evaluated for the class. 

I can also do the photography thing because a close friend of mine, Prashan is into photography and owns a DSLR (I still don't know what that stands for) camera. He used to go to Nilai and when he was there, he was a regular photographer for many of the events in college and he was THE videographer. So, he really know his stuff. Now that he's transferred to INTI (which is only about 10 minutes drive away from Nilai U) and super busy with his other school stuff, he passed his camera to me to use because apparently, in his own words, "You need it more than me now, with your events and stuff. You can take pictures" Yes, I suppose I am that busy in college (thus, the lack of activation here. Sorry). So, the sweetheart is teaching me how to use it and I can work with it from there, right? 

Meanwhile in college, my number one mission now is to set up the Drama Club. Yes, that's right, we don't have a drama club yet. So, I'm going to have to set it up but then, it's the paper work and possible politics that is making me a little reluctant to do it but I'll have to and I must. Besides, Drama Club! It's going to be so much fun, right? :)

The thing now is that in order to set up a new club, we'll need to get a minimum of 10 people to show the interests people may have in the club. They advised me to get 15 because then it'll be easier and naive as I may be, I do believe so too. But for now, I only have about 12 people including myself. So, only a few more to go. 

I guess that's all I have for now. I really need to stop freaking out, start pushing it and get a really really thick face to get things done. Fingers and toes crossed for that.

I hope you guys are doing well because whoever you are reading this, you should know that you deserve a cookie. Ask me for one the next time you see me. Heh.

P/S: What do you all think about my changing the URL to primadonnasheenanigans? Some of you would know the significance of Prima Donna in that. Hit me up on Twitter or Facebook or comment below and let me know? :D

xo.

Exhausting Day 3

Hey you! Have you read day 2 yet? If not, then read the previous post first! :) Again, I know i promised to publish this post a few hours after the previous one but instead I took more than what can be considered to be a few hours. I feel awful but really, now I had a few more things to do last weekend and a lot of things to do last week that all precious time it flew by in a snap.So, this is