Drama Trauma

So, I held a meeting to discuss Drama Club details today.

And no one came.

Well, okay fine, someone did. Only one, and I know she would because she's one of the rare few who are actually responsible and would do as they promised. First of all, this is not surprising and I totally expected this. HAHA. No, I'm really not joking. The campus seemed to have died or something. I mean, sure, they still walk around, go to class and everything but no one's doing any activities anymore at night, no one's busy planning any huge events like they used to in my first semester. There're even no more people dancing in Science block when the sun comes down. I don't know if I mentioned it here before but I used to complain about how people in Nilai are so freaking obsessed with dancing (apparently only after the dance event that happened just one semester before I entered. It was hailed to be one of THE best event to ever happen in Nilai.).

So, yeah, I'm not to bumped out because if people are not passionate about it, then fine. I'm not gonna force you people. I mean, it's not like I didn't tell them that there was going to be a meeting. Last Saturday afternoon, I posted the announcement on the Facebook group and this morning, I texted everyone whose number I have to remind them. Still, no one showed up. So, you know what? Doesn't matter. I'll just do this another way then.

Unfortunately, this also means that I'll have to independently shoot a short film on my own without any platform. Which could even be faster, actually because to start this club, there are a lot of procedures to go through and honestly? It still doesn't guarantee that I'll have the opportunity to do what I want to do because the authority might not be with me.

Look, I'm writing this right now not to whine or rant, believe it or not. I admit, I am a little frustrated and somewhat lost. I feel like I've failed at what I set out to do. And yes, I'm terrified of how people would think of me when they found out I've abandoned the club but I'm really trying to use this as a training for me to learn the whole "don't care what people think of you" thing. But still, I'm scared of letting down the people who have been with me from day one. Two main people in particular.

What's the next step then? Well, yeah, I have some ideas on how to move on from here. We'll see which road we'll have to take next. Yup.

Jesus, where's the confident boost when I need it?

I hope your day was better than mine.

Capturing It

And so the classes starts again. There was only about a couple of weeks of break after all. So, time flies, whether you're having fun or not. For me, it was somewhat fun. Two weeks of packed friends time, many surprises (both good and bad) and well, hopefully, work as well. I don't know if I told you guys about the photography part of my portfolio but I was talking to Judy the other night and she said I hadn't told her about it. Usually, Judy knows things that are both on and off my blog (because she's Judy and I can't keep anything from her even if we're separated by the sea). I concluded (and later checked and was proven right) that I've not told you yet either.

The photography part was something I thought of when I woke up one morning and did my usual social network updates and check ups. Unlike most people my age, I actually have the habit of checking my e-mails as well, mainly because my iPod which is constantly online never fails to tell me that I have mails even if those mails are just from Twitter or Facebook telling me that I have interactions or direct messages or notifications and on rare occasions, from Tumblr, telling me I have a new follower. I opened my GMail that particular morning and there was one from YouTube giving me a list of videos that I should watch and one of the video caught my attention. One the screenshot of the video was of an old man with snowy white hair in a yellow cab showing his middle finger at the camera. How can that not be attention grabbing, no?

So, I clicked on it and watched the 58-minutes video. It was a documentary on the life of one of the most artistic photographer called William Klein. He is a fashion and street photographer, sometimes even incorporating the two into his works. The idea of capturing moments and telling stories through a single photograph blew me away and gave me the inspiration to do something like that. But of what story though? How about of the girls only girls that had ever impacted my life here in West Malaysia? I thought of the girls and three names

Worries

Things have been somewhat woozy these days. I don't really know how to describe it and trust me, you don't know how many blog post I've deleted because I just couldn't get the words right. I've decided to just let the words flow and you know, see how things goes. For someone who owns a blog and tell the almost every moment of her life in the safest place called the Internet, I really prioritize my privacy. How ironic, isn't it? I suppose that's why I barely mention any of the people that I really hang out with. Simply because I just don't know how to bring them up, really. One of them, is, uh, just a love interest and for those of you who really know me (or know him as well), I really don't like to document that nor do I like to "advertise" it. All you folks need to know is that he's a fantastic guy and that boys (and people) here don't think I'm "arrogant" or "intimidating". Many of the people that I know here are actually quite nice. In fact, I had people asking me if I was a dancer or if I "work out" (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I know, it's hilarious). It's a very nice change from the always dramatic girls school.

Sure, I get a few hate here and there but I'm glad I have them. I was actually getting worried that there's something wrong with the people here because they actually like me (I still can barely believe that, trust me). These hate, I think, are healthy and basically normal for me because then I know I'm really being myself amd that there are people who can't accept me. So, I must be doing something right.

But then again, trust my logic. HAH.

I'm worried about other stuff, though, not about my love life because that's one of the right things right now.  I'm worried about, for example, that there is a chance that i'll be getting my very first non-A grade subject (or even subjects, gasp) this time around. But then again, this time around, I had to be quarantined because there was a clash in my exam schedule. American History and Biology in one day. NOT COOL, let me tell you that because you know how my Science subjects totally suck and had always been pulling down my grades so far.

By the time I was done with American History, I was already drained but no, I still had to stay for stinking Biology. Urgh. So, yeah, I barely have any hope for an A or even an A- for that one. The other subject that I'm quite worried about if Golf because now that I think about it, I'm kinda an idiot for taking another subjective subjects. In the first semester, I took Theater and Acting and of course that one, I had more pressure to do well because you know how society is, they would expect you to be a natural genius at something that you claim to do or want to do (like if I wanna be a nurse, people would expect me to be able to stitch up a wound with my eyes closed even without practice, because you know, that's what I want to do for a living. Haih, society). At least for that subject, I can aim and work on my strengths.

Golf, on the other hand, is a sport. Say whatever you want about it not being a sport. It's still not my forte. And so so subjective. I honestly don't know how I did for that one. So, yeah, it's worth being worried about. My straight A's streak is about to be broken then. Boo you, Science and Sports. Eeww.

My other worries will be, of course, related to my portfolio thing again. I keep trying to do way too many things at the same time that I don't know how to actually start. I know I keep whining about this and that I kept changing my mind on how to go around the showcasing video part: Tangled Lies short film or a mini webseries?? There're both pros and cons for both. To make a short film out of Tangled Lies is just a lot of work and when it's done, it's done. But a webseries, it's constant work, on top of other things in my life. It's going to be very tiring, Unless of course, like Wise suggested, use Drama Club and the college as my platform and audience/market respectively, which would totally work. I have to really keep reminding myself that this is not a one man show no matter how I want it to be exactly how I want it to be (one of the many things that I've discovered about myself in the past year is that I'm a bloody perfectionist. If I can complete something on my own, I would because I simply don't trust anyone else enough to do things how I want it to be done. But then, we all know what it would do to one who tries to do everything oneself.)

I suppose I should update on you guys about this another time when I actually have a permanent plan set into motion.

I hope the rest of you are doing well because I am. I think.