Mind Bubbles

I was just tweeting an ex-classmate who is going through some issues with her studies. We've never really been all that close but I've always considered her a friend anyway. She was also, to me, the best singer in our batch when we were back in school (there were a lot of other girls who think they're good but none of them are even close to as good as this girl, though I know they all knew that and envied her for it). She has been ranting all over Twitter for a few days now and we struck up a small talk just now. She told me how she has no choice but to continue her form 6 and then she said something that kinda struck me.

She told me that she was envious of me. To tell you the truth, throughout secondary school, all I've always wanted was for people to be envious of me. Sounds shallow, no? When you're in a school full of girls who often compare themselves with one another whether they admit it or not, you can't help but wishes to be that girl that becomes everyone else's measure. While I personally had no one particular person who was my "measurement", I've always aimed to be the measurement. Now, finally, someone has told me that they were envious of me, it didn't make feel victorious or triumphant, instead, it got me thinking just how lucky I really was.

Most of the times here, I've always talked about how my portfolio's coming along or how school life is. I've never really dedicated a whole post about my thoughts and things like that. It all had always sounded like a report. I've drafted these posts on thoughts multiple times before in my head but I've never really actually got to type them out and publish them.

Now that I actually think about it, yeah, I have some issues (mostly internal conflicts) that I'm trying to cope with and resolve, everything is also going pretty well for me. I might even go as far as saying I have everything that a typical girl would want. Grades (I did mighty well last semester and aim for history to repeat itself this semester too), family (not always okay but hey, what's family without some drama?), love life (yes, I really have one now, believe it or not, people back home. Don't ask, because if I've not told you about it by now means I don't want to tell you about it at all. Weirdly enough for someone who owns a blog, I value my privacy very much in this particular department in my life.) and friends (I don't have many, so less friends = less drama, no? No. That's not true either but I'm good too). Those are just some of the recurring issues. There're so many other stuff that are in store for me this year.

And of course there is my future. Talking to this friend of mine got me thinking just how lucky I really am to be doing what I want to be doing. My parents, reluctant at first (naturally), are now pretty okay with what I'm doing and what I want to do. I realize that not many people who're my peers have the same support that I have. I mean, really now, at least I have the blessing to be doing something that I absolutely love rather than be stuck with what I don't. I suppose that's why my grades are pretty good, because every semester in Nilai over is every semester I am closer to studying how to make motion pictures. I know way too many people who're stuck with things they don't like and are forced to let go of their dreams while here I am (being all in-your-face about my portfolio update reporting posts).

This all sounds really cheesy but the fact that I'm given this chance, the chance to walk on this path, if I don't appreciate it, there will be an entire list of people who might actually make it their personal aim in life to kill me or something like that. lol.

I honestly, genuinely, don't wanna screw things up. Like I always tell people, expect the worst but hope for the best. Whatever it is you're doing, if it's sucking the life out of you, let it. Because when you move on to bigger and better things, you won't be such an annoying spoilt brat and actually appreciate it. I'm not trying to sound like some successful bitch who goes around telling people the tips to a better life as if I'm living it now. Believe me, I'm not. Just the past couple of weeks, I had to start doing jumping jacks every day just to boost my emotions and energy because I can be such an emotional wreck especially when I'm my biggest critic. I just completed the routine before I started typing this.

I still have many many many bad days.

The good days, however, are often exceptional.

Screen Test

So, it's already 11:45 P.M. I promised myself that I'll go to bed by 11:30 but I'm still here, doing some of my homework. I was out today with Miss Judy herself as she drop by here for a quick weekend trip. We did some catching up and it was really good to see her again, as usual. This could be the last time I'll see her until probably next year during Chinese New Year? But then again, who knows, I just might catch a flight back this end of the year and spend Christmas at home.

Anyway, it's a Saturday, who do I need to sleep early? No school tomorrow, right? Well, yeah, no school tomorrow but tomorrow is kinda a big deal to me. I got casted in a short film. Yup, that's right. There are only two characters in the film, a guy and a girl, so I guess I'm playing the female lead! Haahahaha. It's kinda a long story and while I've acted before, I've never done it for the camera. I'm honestly pretty nervous because I don't know what to expect. What if I screw up? I dunno. I really don't.

I've read the script and have done my actor's homework. It's called Confidential and it's about a girl, Shondra who needs a job and is being interviewed on the phone. The lines are not too long and I think I can handle that but as for the other bits? I'm not too sure.

I'll talk to y'all about this after tomorrow. But before that, let's just keep our fingers crossed that this is going to go well?

I'm off for the oh-so-important beauty sleep.

I hope you're having a great weekend because I am. Busy. But fun. For now.